Modern Dating

Sometimes I think my life is actually a sitcom being directed by some powers above. And in this sitcom I play the role of the much married boring friend to various single women looking for love, lust, sex and romance. So my role is to play sounding board, though sometimes one also gets vicarious pleasure listening to the roller coaster ride called modern dating.

So what is modern dating?

It is usually online, because no one seems to be away from their laptops, computers and blackberry’s nowadays, so your only chance of finding a good man is online. What are all the offline men doing? They are usually gay or married…….or meeting people they met online.

There is safety in numbers, as the person you are usually chatting up, is definitely chatting up five other women at the same time. Please beware of the man who sends your mushy sms’s as forwards to the other women, that means not only is he a player, but he also has no brains, and is using yours to woo other women. So if you ever get your own sms back, you know what is happening.

There are now ways to read between the lines….here are some I have gleaned from my clutch of research material:

You are Special: I want to sleep with you, and then leave you. I do not love you. Please be clear on that.
I want to chat you up right now: Before my boss/ wife/ gf/ parents catch on
I am very free spirited: I sleep around…….only recommended after HIV testing.
You are so tame: I have a feeling you won’t put out.
So how come you don’t trust me to drop you home safe at 2 am in the morning?: If I am going to spend a few grand on you, and I don’t even get a feel of the goods, what’s the point?
Where are you right now and whom are you with?: In this era of multiple relationships I am sure you have a few other ‘special’ friends.
I see us going to a very beautiful place together: My bed or yours?
I am very non-judgmental: If we can ever do a threesome with your pretty friend, I will respect you both in the morning.
Let’s catch up online and on the phone before we meet: Because when we finally do meet, you will realize that the picture was photo-shopped and taken two years ago, and that I am two inches shorter than the profile said.
You need to loosen up girl: You need sex…and I am IT!
Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith: Its also called ‘willing suspension of disbelief’, please ignore all warning bells that ring in your head.
You may have kissed a lot of frogs, but you will know your prince when you see him: May I please go and puke somewhere???????????

The women’s point of view is that well, a few of these lines they are going to come across, as long as they can still read between them. The height of course is a friend who feels guilty when she dates other guys, and lies to the one she has been chatting with online. My concern is how can you feel guilty and accountable towards a man you have never met, and who lives in another city. That’s modern dating for you…its all in our heads, and fingers……………Vodafone, Airtel and Broadband services are laughing their way to the bank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vagina Dialogues

In a recent conversation with a friend over lunch, I got to hear that there is a research being conducted somewhere in the world, that while women get to be great multi-taskers, men will soon become redundant……in fact, while women will lead the pack when it comes to social, professional and financial heights, men will be reduced to only one good thing….f…ing!

And now the questions arises……….who the eff is going to fix the fused light bulb in my house if that is all my man is going to do? So when did we women evolve so much that we got to be too much for ourselves and our men? A magazine is screaming it’s headlines out on the stands asking, “How well do you know your vagina?”. Now seriously have you ever seen a men’s magazine asking, “How well do you know your penis?”, highly doubtful.

Maybe also, I don’t really want to know my vagina beyond a point. Maybe I’m quite satisfied and happy with the amorphous relationship I have with some parts of my body. And so maybe I’d like to ask, maybe we women have gone so overboard in our long hard race to the top that we have become like the enemy: Men!

Funnily, today all the interesting women I meet are divorced, separated or single. The married women, barring a few are usually quieter, more subdued and uninterested in growing beyond a point. The lunch also revealed a study that 70% of spouses walking out on their marriage today are women, not men; because they run out of patience faster and want more from life. Many people will take one look at me and say in dulcet tones, “Hey you look nice, you don’t look married!”. The inference being that once you are married, your spouse makes your life so miserable and unhappy between juggling home, career and kids, that you start growing horns on your head and look washed out, drab and ugly. So if marriage was supposed to enhance and complete, it becomes a restrictive prison from which women are supposed to break away, before they can look good, do well and enjoy life.

Maybe we need to re-examine all of this, because my head is quite in a whirl, and I really need my man to help fix my car!