Now, I know that road rage is only supposed to happen to politician's children, or angry retired gangsters with guns in their holsters, but the other day it happened to me.
Of course, it began, as it always begins with a bitch of a day at the Office!
After which my regurgitated self- left the Defence Colony office to make a route via the Lajpat Nagar U turn. Traversing the narrow passageways of Defence Colony's service lanes is not very easy when you are in a big car, and my driver is most certainly not the best.
So when another car is turning into the self same lane you are trying to get out of, ego's can clash. Specially when both cars are big. My driver is not a gentleman, at the best of times, and when faced with the trying situation of a car driven by an eccentric middle aged lady, he probably didn't know what to do. In most such situations, i am a mediator, and urge him to tread on the path of virtue and patience.
But, I was having a bad day. So I told him to shut the engine and sit it out. The lady got out of her car and started screaming at him.
That got me, and I got out.
Asked her what her problem was, and got the repsonse, "You shut up, I am not talking to you."
Now, that got to me. Mainly because I hate people who don't pay attention to me. And being a driver myself, I don't like being condescended to.
I walked up to her car, and here, I am a bit red-faced when I recount what I said, "You shut up, you stupid old ugly bitch."
Whereupon she returned the compliment to me, just the "Bitch" part, because i really am not old or ugly.
Whereupon i covered my ears, danced on the road and made rude signs to her.
Hopefully I ruined her mood and her day.
I have to confess it was the highlight of my day.
I have not got around to telling this to everyone except my best buddy, who had a good laugh, because he knows I am not usually so badly behaved.
I still can't belive how shockingly naughty I was. My driver has renewed repsect for me after this.
Was this road rage? I dunno, I've never had it earlier. But, yes, I loved it. I danced on the road in front of a stranger's car. It was the best case of road rage I have seen so far.
Would I do it again?
Only if my opponent is a stupid, old and ugly bitch!
cheerio
Friday, November 24, 2006
Thursday, November 23, 2006
In favour of the ET on TV
We as a nation, deserve the tv we get!
If ET ever came to India, and flicked television channels to check out what the culture is all about, I bet he'd discover the following facts about this nation:
1. Indian women wear very large bindis, and dress in a variety of fusion undress.
2. These self-same women belong to impossibly rich business families and spend their day plotting against the other.
3. Indian kids, and adults are so talented that the aam aadmi can be seen contesting in various talent shows dedicated to- talent, dancing, voting against each other, creating fatalistic jokes, or displaying feats of aerobic activity, some even manage to sing (a lot).
4. Sex Crimes top the list of our crime lists, women and even some men are unsafe.
5. Mangled dead bodies are routinely preserved and decorated for being shown on camera before being disposed off.
6. As a country, we have no art and culture etc etc, unless they are inaugurated by a film personality who knows nothing about them.
I am sure various other edifying comments on our political and judicial leaders will also be found, but that would require serious eyeball dedication from ET.
Which brings us to the earlier question, as we all are already dying of natural disasters, riots, loot, rape, murder and arson, would ET not decide to do away with us?
Unless ET decides to host It's own TV reality show- where contestants get either bumped off, sent to Mars, or made to dance and live in zero gravity conditions.
Now that would be entertainment!
If ET ever came to India, and flicked television channels to check out what the culture is all about, I bet he'd discover the following facts about this nation:
1. Indian women wear very large bindis, and dress in a variety of fusion undress.
2. These self-same women belong to impossibly rich business families and spend their day plotting against the other.
3. Indian kids, and adults are so talented that the aam aadmi can be seen contesting in various talent shows dedicated to- talent, dancing, voting against each other, creating fatalistic jokes, or displaying feats of aerobic activity, some even manage to sing (a lot).
4. Sex Crimes top the list of our crime lists, women and even some men are unsafe.
5. Mangled dead bodies are routinely preserved and decorated for being shown on camera before being disposed off.
6. As a country, we have no art and culture etc etc, unless they are inaugurated by a film personality who knows nothing about them.
I am sure various other edifying comments on our political and judicial leaders will also be found, but that would require serious eyeball dedication from ET.
Which brings us to the earlier question, as we all are already dying of natural disasters, riots, loot, rape, murder and arson, would ET not decide to do away with us?
Unless ET decides to host It's own TV reality show- where contestants get either bumped off, sent to Mars, or made to dance and live in zero gravity conditions.
Now that would be entertainment!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
social networking sites
Hi,
Ok.............you need to stop reading this if you are still not logged on to any social networking site till yet.
More importantly, if you aren't logged on to any social networking site, please get a life!
I have been an on and off member of one or two networking sites and I have found the following uses for them:
1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Dating
5. Offloading yourself on new and hapless subjects, with raves and rants against the world.
6. Finding a place to get your meandrings published, in case you are too lazy to blog.
7. Getting into nasty fights and snarl matches with people you have never met.
8. Showing your dark side to the netizen world.
9. Finding new victims if you are a serial killer.
10. Finding a serial killer.
I have nothing against social networking sites. But, I think they only work if they have an offline use. Unless they don't, you are cheating yourself of a real life. In the meantime, the rules of engagement have changed. All you now need to do to get rid of a person is press delete!
But, yes, I must admit, the one great thing about some sites and communties is a feeling of belonging. The only scary thing that I find is, has this feeling of belonging replaced real, normal human interaction?
Maybe I belong to an old school of thought, but I find it difficult to relate to a person who does not have a real life, or even identity in my real world. Its like going bungee jumping without a rope.
In the meantime, my office has invited me to orkut, where anyone I notice is at least a decade younger to me. So while I have nervously made a profile of myself on the site, I am not sure, I could survive the wealth of information and teenage angst in that vistual space.
In the meantime, as it still suffices uses, 1, 2 and 3, in that order...............I guess I have no reason to complain :)
Ok.............you need to stop reading this if you are still not logged on to any social networking site till yet.
More importantly, if you aren't logged on to any social networking site, please get a life!
I have been an on and off member of one or two networking sites and I have found the following uses for them:
1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Dating
5. Offloading yourself on new and hapless subjects, with raves and rants against the world.
6. Finding a place to get your meandrings published, in case you are too lazy to blog.
7. Getting into nasty fights and snarl matches with people you have never met.
8. Showing your dark side to the netizen world.
9. Finding new victims if you are a serial killer.
10. Finding a serial killer.
I have nothing against social networking sites. But, I think they only work if they have an offline use. Unless they don't, you are cheating yourself of a real life. In the meantime, the rules of engagement have changed. All you now need to do to get rid of a person is press delete!
But, yes, I must admit, the one great thing about some sites and communties is a feeling of belonging. The only scary thing that I find is, has this feeling of belonging replaced real, normal human interaction?
Maybe I belong to an old school of thought, but I find it difficult to relate to a person who does not have a real life, or even identity in my real world. Its like going bungee jumping without a rope.
In the meantime, my office has invited me to orkut, where anyone I notice is at least a decade younger to me. So while I have nervously made a profile of myself on the site, I am not sure, I could survive the wealth of information and teenage angst in that vistual space.
In the meantime, as it still suffices uses, 1, 2 and 3, in that order...............I guess I have no reason to complain :)
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Why Kareena Kapoor can never be an item number
This is not a comparison piece to Helen!
Though many will agree with me that she was the ultimate in item numbers.
Kareen Kapoor is a lovely woman, an many a time under the right director, she has shown herself to be a fine actress.
But, after watching her stellar performance in Don, I am afraid she can never qualify as an item number.
While it is not that she lacks either looks, dedication or talent, she does not have the fatal flaw of the tragic heroine, so necessary for the item number. That inherent becahri, who must shed clothes like a second skin to please the world of men, is not a mantle she can don with ease. And the pun is intended.
Simply, because she is a woman with too much power!
Kareena Kapoor is sexy! And she isn't ashamed about it. And that is the reason her sexuality can never become 'objectified'.
She can never be a lolling creation of tinsel, tits and ass.
Her mind and her smug security in herself; that assurance and self-confidence will never let her dwindle into a dancing doll.
So, while the other women wear their sexuality on their sleeve, Kareena exudes a sexual power that is at par with the man she dances around.
And that is why, while the Rakhi Sawants of the world continue to rule the item roosts, Kareena should stick to what she really does best of all- being Kareena Kapoor!
Though many will agree with me that she was the ultimate in item numbers.
Kareen Kapoor is a lovely woman, an many a time under the right director, she has shown herself to be a fine actress.
But, after watching her stellar performance in Don, I am afraid she can never qualify as an item number.
While it is not that she lacks either looks, dedication or talent, she does not have the fatal flaw of the tragic heroine, so necessary for the item number. That inherent becahri, who must shed clothes like a second skin to please the world of men, is not a mantle she can don with ease. And the pun is intended.
Simply, because she is a woman with too much power!
Kareena Kapoor is sexy! And she isn't ashamed about it. And that is the reason her sexuality can never become 'objectified'.
She can never be a lolling creation of tinsel, tits and ass.
Her mind and her smug security in herself; that assurance and self-confidence will never let her dwindle into a dancing doll.
So, while the other women wear their sexuality on their sleeve, Kareena exudes a sexual power that is at par with the man she dances around.
And that is why, while the Rakhi Sawants of the world continue to rule the item roosts, Kareena should stick to what she really does best of all- being Kareena Kapoor!
Friday, November 17, 2006
Why do they want the p3p?
Sometimes I feel like a vegetable vendor.
Seriously.
Imagine a lovely musical event, or perhaps an art exhibition with such stunning works, that your jaw drops in awe. The party is glittering, and lovely. And then comes a media crew. And they say, "Kaun kaun aaya hai?"
Something like aaj kya kya sabji hai? And then I very gracefully say, "See Ms. Aloo over there, and that is Mr. Onion, the hottest new entrant on the circuit. Oh and are you a rookie reporter that you don't know how famous Gajar and Mooli are?"
Is p3p so important that we now need to record what these people wore, whom they air kissed? and if their behind has increased by 3 mm?
What about the event? The idea? The art on the walls or the creativity of the people. Has it stopped mattering to us. Have we finally become a group of chattering, preening monkeys, who say, "Mera p3p tumse zyada achcha hai?"
Events are now decided on the basis of guest lists. Magazines promise to tell us, exactly which deo and which shampoo, the latest sensation uses. I want to ask who cares?
How does it affect my life if Malaika Arora likes long candle lit baths?
Or if Ridhima Kapoor had a haircut?
In fact, how does it affect anyone's life for that matter? And does reporting an event, basically mean a brain dead descritpion of who came, saw, ate, and ran.
If so, then maybe I really should set up that vegetable shop, on the roadside nukkad!
cheerio :)
Seriously.
Imagine a lovely musical event, or perhaps an art exhibition with such stunning works, that your jaw drops in awe. The party is glittering, and lovely. And then comes a media crew. And they say, "Kaun kaun aaya hai?"
Something like aaj kya kya sabji hai? And then I very gracefully say, "See Ms. Aloo over there, and that is Mr. Onion, the hottest new entrant on the circuit. Oh and are you a rookie reporter that you don't know how famous Gajar and Mooli are?"
Is p3p so important that we now need to record what these people wore, whom they air kissed? and if their behind has increased by 3 mm?
What about the event? The idea? The art on the walls or the creativity of the people. Has it stopped mattering to us. Have we finally become a group of chattering, preening monkeys, who say, "Mera p3p tumse zyada achcha hai?"
Events are now decided on the basis of guest lists. Magazines promise to tell us, exactly which deo and which shampoo, the latest sensation uses. I want to ask who cares?
How does it affect my life if Malaika Arora likes long candle lit baths?
Or if Ridhima Kapoor had a haircut?
In fact, how does it affect anyone's life for that matter? And does reporting an event, basically mean a brain dead descritpion of who came, saw, ate, and ran.
If so, then maybe I really should set up that vegetable shop, on the roadside nukkad!
cheerio :)
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Dear 8 year old girl
Dear '8 year old girl',
To begin with I think you should be ashamed of yourself, for being an eight year old girl. How could you dare to imagine that life for eight year olds in this country is asexual? As a female of the species you had no right to lure an older man to a secluded spot, with your flailing limbs and your innocent laughter. Of course, what could the poot man do, but to rape you? Did you give him a choice? Nope!
Did you put up a fight against someone who was double your size? Nope.
Did you have any sense of what an atrocity you committed on him, the police, and the waste of time of the judicial system when you died on the poor man?
Do you realise that there is a qualitative legal difference between rape and murder? No, you had the bad sense and the tacky ability to bleed to death. Shame on you for that.
Now that poor innocent man has had a harowing time defending himself for both rape and murder while you are probably in heaven, leaving your weeping famly behind to fight it out for you.
In future, please remember to cover yourself properly. If someone tries to rape you, please co-operate. And for god's sake, don't bleed to death on the poor guy, he meant no harm. Whats a little rape in the long drawn out process of life hon?
In the meantime, the poor Supreme Court Judges have sweated and slogged it over countless cups of coffee and tea and are really bugged with the fact that you have wasted their time with your pitiful little life.
Hope you promise never to be a bad girl again!
To begin with I think you should be ashamed of yourself, for being an eight year old girl. How could you dare to imagine that life for eight year olds in this country is asexual? As a female of the species you had no right to lure an older man to a secluded spot, with your flailing limbs and your innocent laughter. Of course, what could the poot man do, but to rape you? Did you give him a choice? Nope!
Did you put up a fight against someone who was double your size? Nope.
Did you have any sense of what an atrocity you committed on him, the police, and the waste of time of the judicial system when you died on the poor man?
Do you realise that there is a qualitative legal difference between rape and murder? No, you had the bad sense and the tacky ability to bleed to death. Shame on you for that.
Now that poor innocent man has had a harowing time defending himself for both rape and murder while you are probably in heaven, leaving your weeping famly behind to fight it out for you.
In future, please remember to cover yourself properly. If someone tries to rape you, please co-operate. And for god's sake, don't bleed to death on the poor guy, he meant no harm. Whats a little rape in the long drawn out process of life hon?
In the meantime, the poor Supreme Court Judges have sweated and slogged it over countless cups of coffee and tea and are really bugged with the fact that you have wasted their time with your pitiful little life.
Hope you promise never to be a bad girl again!
Monday, November 13, 2006
Why don't we have nice loos in India?
I hate to begin this blog with a reflection on the problem that faces a lot of urban India, but while most of the population considers this issue unimportant, I consider going to the loo a basic human need.
I was at the Rabindra Bhavan, Lalit Kala Academy last night doing publicity for another lah di dah 'P3P Art event'. While i watched perfectly coiffuered and manicured ladies rubbing shoulders with Indian artists and some shady Punju businessmen watching their hard earned mega bucks go up in a brilliant hue of colours, a very important question gripped me.
Where are all the toilets?
There were two toilets at the Bhavan, both so filthy that my one little nervous exploration into it resulted in immediately scurrying out. Watching the beautiful people around me, I wondered if they ever felt the need to go to the loo, or they would spend the next hour or so, chatting, drinking, nibbling and networking, but would no one ever feel the need to go.
Considering that its not the first or only time I have asked myelf this question, I can only pause to wonder.
Are we Indians as a race, unhygeinic?
Is it too much to ask for clean toilets in a country where the Financial Times still wants to comment on upraised bottoms on countless railway tracks across the country?
Do startlingly premium events only concentrate on the glittering chatterati? And do they not have bodily needs?
Or are we really half-human-half sub species with fewer bodily needs than other people?
In the meantime, I scout around in 5 star hotel lobbies, make quick entrances and exits in posh restaurants or grit my teeth and run home.
Sanitarily challenged,
Sonali Sokhal
I was at the Rabindra Bhavan, Lalit Kala Academy last night doing publicity for another lah di dah 'P3P Art event'. While i watched perfectly coiffuered and manicured ladies rubbing shoulders with Indian artists and some shady Punju businessmen watching their hard earned mega bucks go up in a brilliant hue of colours, a very important question gripped me.
Where are all the toilets?
There were two toilets at the Bhavan, both so filthy that my one little nervous exploration into it resulted in immediately scurrying out. Watching the beautiful people around me, I wondered if they ever felt the need to go to the loo, or they would spend the next hour or so, chatting, drinking, nibbling and networking, but would no one ever feel the need to go.
Considering that its not the first or only time I have asked myelf this question, I can only pause to wonder.
Are we Indians as a race, unhygeinic?
Is it too much to ask for clean toilets in a country where the Financial Times still wants to comment on upraised bottoms on countless railway tracks across the country?
Do startlingly premium events only concentrate on the glittering chatterati? And do they not have bodily needs?
Or are we really half-human-half sub species with fewer bodily needs than other people?
In the meantime, I scout around in 5 star hotel lobbies, make quick entrances and exits in posh restaurants or grit my teeth and run home.
Sanitarily challenged,
Sonali Sokhal
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